Friday, March 25, 2011

The "Relaxing" ride to the airport.....

Jill and I are going on vacation, and her parents convince her into agreeing that it would be a lot smarter for us to drive the hour over to their house, drop off the car, and they would take us to the airport....

That way my parents in-law, and Jill wisely reason, that it will be less stress, and we won't have to pay for parking for the week!

I finally relent, and agree.  Reluctantly, on the basis that one, I would rather be in control of getting myself to the airport, and two, they are in their 60s at the time, after all....

I submit, on the basis that sometimes it is easier to go along,to get along...

This is a fact that anyone that is married, or in a long term relationship understands...

My father in-laws chooses not to take the new car with the large trunk, but the older car, because he doesn't wish to put any "unnecessary mileage" on his brand new car to take us to the airport.

Things aren't going so well already for me.  I make a snide remark that all of our luggage for the week won't fit in that little trunk.

My father in-law calmly puts all of our luggage neatly in the trunk, and we are on our way.  He graciously refrains from what I would have said, which is, "I told you so!"

We are on our way, but, oh crap, he forgot to get gas, and he doesn't know if we will make it.

I am already a little unnerved as we had to waste the extra time driving all the way over to their house on our way to the airport, and we are trying to be there 3 hours before our flight, but I don't say anything.

We can't just go to any gas station though.... We need to go get gas at his gas station, which is BJ's Wholesale club, where we will save an impressive, .5 cents per gallon on gas.

I am getting a little frantic that we will miss getting through security at the airport, but I kind of mumble something and then relent.

We get to the gas station at BJ's and it is PACKED!

After a few minutes I realize why it is so busy. All the pumps are down for some odd reason, and there isn't anybody around to fix them.

I say "shouldn't we go somewhere else to get gas?"  It doesn't look like anyone will be out to fix them.."

...so we just sit there, and wait for someone else to fix them, and wait, and wait.

My father in law says nothing, I mumble a reminder that we need to be there 3 hours early, and I don't want to get there late and miss our flight to Florida...

5 minutes goes by, and we are still sitting there waiting.  10 minutes goes by and we are still sitting there waiting.  15 minutes goes by and we are still sitting there waiting.  I get more and more frantic, and irritated...







My father in-law doesn't seem fazed by my anxiety.....










Finally, I think maybe 25 minutes later, we get gas at Bj's and we are on our way!!!


We are driving down the highway, and a huge semi tractor trailer is rushing up beside us, and my mother in-law is is working her imaginary brake pedal, and tensing up, and saying "Joe!? Joe!? Which lane are you in?"


My father in-law calmly says "Oh, I'm trying both.." ...and he really is!  The semi is rushing up beside us, and he is directly over the lane divider,  taking up both lanes.  I am scared frantic!  My mother in-law is scared frantic, Jill is scared, but doesn't say anything, and my father in-law is as calm as can be.



A second later, and a microsecond before the semi smashes into us, he calmly pics whichever lane he intended, and we continue on.






Happily on our merry way....












Although my father in law stays calm about his driving, he really doesn't like my mother in-law telling him how to drive, and tells her so....

My mother in-law snaps back, that he needs her to point out things, and if she didn't, they would get into an accident....

My mother in-law sets out to prove her point, by telling multiple stories about them driving places, and different scenarios where here constant tips, really helped out...









My mother in-law extolling the benefits of her co-piloting skills....









My father in-law is getting angry, I think his attention to his driving might be slipping, and I start to give Jill meaningful looks that say, "what the hell did we get ourselves into?!".

We finally get to the airport thanks to my liberal use of the force to guide the car down the road to our destination safely.

I made full use of my mental powers, and through my use of my powerful, mental brake pedal, and steering wheel, we made it!

We get to the airport ready to go through all of the trials of the airport, with what you can imagine are relaxed minds and bodies....

Thanks mom and dad for the kind ride, but I think we will drive ourselves from now on, thank you....

This post has been inspected by my in-laws, and approved, so I took the liberty of making up this seal, and adding it.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Bob the Blender, a budding bromance.

My wife tells me my mother in-law decided she wanted to buy us a blender for our kitchen.  I say "uh, okay", without giving it a second thought.....






Maybe you can't tell from the picture, but this thing is huge!













I become so impressed with my new big, powerful kitchen appliance that I decide to take a bold picture with it, but the best I can hope for, is a look of constipation...











.

Grrrrr, Baby, grrrrrr







Over time though, I develop a fondness for my new appliance........










My other friends all seem to have things to do, so Bob and I play a  game of go fish!















I am all, "hey little buddy!", and he is like "Uh back the Fxxx off dude!









I come home one day, and Bob is obviously anxiously awaiting my return...


.






I decide that he has probably really missed me, so I decide he probably wants to talk with me, after his lonely day...







Oh my! I think we both might have that!











Seriously, I know someone that has that....














We both had a big laugh, or at least I did....
Now that I remember, I think I was the only one laughing...




I come out of the bathroom, and Bob is no where to be found.  I realize after a few minutes that he must want to play a fun game of hide and go seek.  

So, I set out to find him...






Ready or not, here I come!!!!










After I find him, he tells me it is my turn to hide, so he can find me....







He'll never find me!




....and he never did....